I like sending birthday cards to people. Handwritten, snail mail birthday cards. (Call me old-fashioned, but I will never stop writing people letters. I also still use voice mail. But I digress.) But sometimes, choosing the card is….let’s call it “interesting.”
I was at the drugstore today to pick up a birthday card for a friend. A guy friend. The birthday card categories were “for her,” “for him,” “funny birthday,” and “birthday.” I started in plain old “birthday,” where a vast majority of the cards were either age-specific (none for 23, though…I can’t imagine why), colored in pink and purple, decorated with glitter, or inscribed with a poem so cheesy that I actually almost said, out loud, alone in the store, “What kind of wine do you have to complement this cheese?” (ba-dump-CHHH!) Nothing appropriate for my friend.
I then decided to go to the “birthday for him” section, hoping to find some more manly colors. But then I realized that my friend is neither my husband, “sweetheart”, son, grandson, grandfather, uncle, nephew, or father…so there went that aisle.
I didn’t check “birthday for her,” though in retrospect, maybe there would have been something that at least had comedic value in there…
Finally, and somewhat begrudgingly, I started to peruse the “funny birthday” section. My friend is not turning 149 this year, which ruled out 79% of that section. Weirdly skinny dogs and crazy-looking cats are overrated, which ruled out another 20%. And then…I thought I had found it. It was simple but not boring, colorful but not garish or girly: a drawing of a colorful, vegetable-filled burrito (without beans!), captioned “Birthdays are like burritos…” And I (foolishly) opened the card. And OH MY GOSH. NOT ONLY was there a fart joke on the inside, BUT IT ACTUALLY MADE FARTING NOISES.
Are you KIDDING me?!?!
I contented myself with a simple card with a three-word message on the inside. Mainly it’s too purple-and-silver for a guy, but probably he’ll understand. And probably I’ll print out this little rant and insert it into the card….I think he’ll like that.